035. Becoming A Skincare Girlie Ruined My Face
And Fixing It Cost Me $0.
Today’s newsletter is a little different. We are a mere few days away from 2024, and for once, I am excited for New Year’s Eve: I have successfully engineered for my loved ones to be together at home in Spain for the 31st. They will be getting champagne-drunk and party until the early hours. Meanwhile, I plan to sneak away around 9.30PM. A perfectly executed Irish goodbye - I have decades of experience - pulled on my Mediterrean family, which my mum will hopefully be too hangover to blame me for the next day. I plan to get in bed with an episode of Gilmore Girls, doze off to sleep with the faint sound of laughter in the background, and wake up with the sunrise to write my new year’s manifestations sitting on the balcony looking out to the sea. Here’s some insight into my personality: I have never met a party I did not dislike, but I also feel pressured to make sure everybody’s having fun? That’s what you get for being an introverted Gemini.
Like everybody else this time of year, I am feeling frazzled and being inundated with deadlines and to-dos, but I am still planning to make time for one of my favourite ritual: end-of-year manifestations. Don’t ask me for tips; what I am referring to is taking a few hours over the course of a few days to reflect on the year that’s been, journal, and plan for the next. I write an inventory of my wishes and goals for the year, categorise them in brackets (work, health, etc.), and write them in the past tense as if they’d already happened. I hear that’s rule number one of manifesting. The real kick I get out of it is retrospectively looking through my previous year’s goals and taking note of the journey. It so happens that 99% of what I wanted for myself 12 months ago is completely different from what I want for myself now. Which is how I like it to be. I like the mantra ‘if last month’s me doesn’t make this month’s me cringe, I’m not growing’. I shared how it affects my approach to shopping in this newsletter. Twelve months ago, I was running my own business, and my goals revolved around making it successful. I have since closed down that business; one of the best decisions I have ever made. A story for another newsletter perhaps. Twelve months ago, I had also never heard of Substack or written anything longer than an email since 2012. I’m grateful for this exercise; it reminds me that my life is exactly as I want it to be: ever-changing and unexpected.
Out of three A4 pages of ‘manifestations for 2023’, only one came true:
Today’s newsletter is about skincare and, by the end of it, my regular readers will hopefully understand why I chose to talk about it in a newsletter about fashion. I discuss my experience with severe adult acne and rosacea that started in 2020 and lasted for three years, and how I discovered that it was largely self-inflicted. I tell the story of how I got roped into spending thousands of dollars trying to fix it only to make it worse, and how finally getting there cost me $0. This experience opened my eyes to the mechanisms of an industry that targets women (women account for 80% - 90% of purchases of a $500 billion market) and leverages their insecurities to sell them products for problems they don’t have. Or in my case, sell them products that create problems, and then sell them more products to fix them. I share the simplified and gentle routine that healed my skin and the four products left on my bathroom shelf (down from 250+). I also share my new approach to skincare and beauty, the only two people online that I trust for skincare advice, the details of the professional aesthetician who finally was able to help me, my thoughts on injectables and facials (why I do the former and not the latter - yes, you read that right), and more.
Please note that I paid full price for all the products and services mentioned in this newsletter (unless you count a serum gifted to me from a friend, which will be clearly annotated).
1. ‘I Finally Fixed My Skin!!’
Obligatory disclaimer: I am not a doctor, a dermatologist, or a certified esthetician. If you are experiencing any symptoms like the ones described in this newsletter, please consult a qualified professional.
When I manifested this twelve months ago, I was closing in on three years struggling with severe adult-acne and rosacea. It started out of nowhere shortly before I turned 31. I had been spared in my teenage years, so I guess this was payback? I have since received hundreds of DMs from 30-somethings who also experienced this, so it’s a real (hormonal) thing. I felt compelled to write about it, not only because it might help a handful of people who are in the same situation I was and are desperate for a solution, but more importanly because it highlights a much larger macro issue. Going through it with my skin not only put me in dark place with my mental health, I wasted a shameful amount of money. In those three years, I bought into every miracle potion, invasive laser, proven-to-work supplement, state-of-the art-facial, and expensive subscription. I can report that the vast majority of them made matters worse. Since I got into skincare in 2016 until March this year, I drank the Kool-Aid and let myself be convinced that I needed to buy those things to be worthy. Regular readers, does that ring a bell? Fashion and beauty have a lot in common.
The pictures you are seeing are from my good days, the ones I took to keep track of ‘progress’. I didn’t keep track of the bad days, but my skin looked a lot worse than that for the best part of three years. I still want to acknowledge that this is very mild compared to what some people are experiencing. Adding to a recipe for disaster, having issues with my skin coincided with the time I started putting my face out on social media. This led to a vicious circle of toxicity whereby the worst my skin looked on any given day, the more makeup I would wear to cover it up, the more perfect my skin would appear on screen, the more people would comment on it, and the more I felt like a fraud. I have shared these images on my social media platforms before, but what you see below are examples of what my skin looked like in real life versus what it looked like online that very same day. A gentle reminder that everything you see online is fake. During this time, I was constantly upset about my skin, but it was two episodes around this time last year, which a medical professional referred to as ‘disassociation’, once in an airplane bathroom and once in the toilet at a coffeeshop, that brought me to my wit’s ends. In those instances, I caught a reflection of myself and, for just a few seconds, experienced this really strange and overwhelming feeling that I did not recognise the person in the mirror. I told myself this had to stop, I was a fed-up woman without a plan, and I would probably still be in that place today if not for a serendipitous moment in early March this year.
2. It All Started With A Little Blue Bottle Of Face Oil
To explain what caused my skin issues and how I fixed them, I need to take you back and tell you the story of how I became a [insert sparkle emoji] skincare girlie. I can’t exactly remember why, on a morning of late 2016, I somehow walked out of SpaceNK (the UK’s equivalent to Sephora) having bought a small $105 bottle of blue face oil. At 27, my idea of skincare until now had been washing my face with Cetaphil in the shower and applying a probably long-expired, drugstore-bought moisturiser. The new face oil and the ritual that came with it felt luxurious and amazing, and I started applying it morning and night. It transpired that I started my skincare journey how I meant to go on; unknowingly causing damage to my skin. That face oil turned out to be a retinol oil - and quite a potent one at that - that I would slap on my face every morning before going out jogging in the bright sunshine (I remember it all so vividly only because I was training for a marathon that year and this routine was calculated down to the smallest detail). ‘But Liza, it’s not the skincare industry’s fault if you don’t read the label’. Last night, while scrolling through Tiktok I spotted five beauty influencers applying acids to a skin full of active breakouts and a few others layering retinol and vitamin C. All for an audience of hundreds of millions of women. So if it isn’t the industry’s fault, at least it begs the question of how much they are banking on our negligence.
Skincare marketers are working overtime; 2016 doesn’t seem like that long ago and it’s hard to imagine a world where I didn’t know what the word ‘retinol’ meant, but I promise you, as of 2016, most of us didn’t. Let alone that it increases the skin’s sensitivity to the sun, that you should never apply it in the morning, and that it must always be followed (the next morning) by a generous application of sunscreen. On that note, I must ask who those mums are that I hear about in every skincare routine videos who told their daughters to apply sunscreen from the moment they were old enough to squeeze a tube? As kids, my mum used military precision to cover us with SPF50 when on the beach, but she never told me that we’re supposed to use SPF every day, even in winter, and even indoors. I got a few years of basking in the sunshine doused in retinol before I found that out.
3. All The Gear and No Idea
Soon I was spending hundreds of dollars on tiny bottles of serum and watching skincare routines on Youtube daily. My friends and family started coming to me for recommendations, and I dread to think how many frivolous purchases I influenced them to make. I wasted my paychecks on extortionate facials, and the feathers in my cap were those by ‘celebrity-facialists’. Sienna Miller and Margot Robbie’s facialist spent the hour explaining to me - an IBS sufferer with severely broken out skin - that getting rid of my acne meant I had to start the day with a large coffee with a heaped tablespoon of coconut oil and apply liberal amounts of Vitamin C. Even back then that didn’t sound quite right. Side note, I don’t think facials are for us anxious types anyway; I usually spend those 90 minutes of supposed self-care lying there stressing out about what excuse I will be coming up with to turn down buying the products I will be sold at the end of the session. I signed up for prescription vitamin A treatments, which promised results within 6 to 9 months, providing they are combined with the full range of accompanying products, of course. First, you need the two-steps exfoliation to prepares your skin for the treatment, and after it, you need the calming lotion and the repairing cream. Scrape, attack, soothe, and repeat the next day. That makes perfect sense, right? And the person selling it to me has a medical degree, so if it doesn’t, what do I know? I consulted dermatologists and even an endocrinologist with nothing more to show for it than a pile of invoices. When my skin got worse, it only accelerated the merry-go-round of reckless spending and ludicrous experiences. It only came to a stop, like I said by chance, in March of this year when my friends made me reschedule yet another facial to attend a dinner. I remember being annoyed at them because it meant I’d have to be booked in with someone I didn’t know. That someone ended up saving my skin and my sanity.
4. Hi There, It’s Your Skin Calling, I Beg You To Leave Me Alone.
For that next part, I remain intentionally vague. I am conscious of staying very matter-of-factly so as not to spread misinformation. Here’s what I learnt during that hour that led to my skin completely clearing out within four weeks.
Everybody’s skin is different. Which, among other things, means that just because your symptoms are identical to mine, the solution that worked for me may not work for you.
My skin barrier was completely destroyed. The acne and rosacea were simply symptoms of it. This was brought on by years of chemical exfoliants (acids) and other active ingredients. Others might use these every day for the rest of their lives and not encounter the slightest issue; remember, everybody’s skin is different.
I was to immediately stop using all active ingredients and consider significantly simplifying my skincare routine on the long term. I share details of this below.
While my skin repaired itself, I was to help it by applying a balm at night. That’s any face product that includes the word ‘balm’ in its name. One of the many green flags that I was in the right hands: when someone recommends a formula, without specifying a brand name or a specific product. You know that they aren’t about to profit from that recommendation. One can buy a balm from the nearest pharmacy or drugstore for a few dollars.
I was recommended to follow a specific routine for my skin to heal. I followed that routine for about two months, and once my skin was healthy, I changed it again slightly (to something even simpler and even more gentle). I share both the healing routine and my current routine below.
My attitude towards skincare has completely changed in the 9 months since. I have a healthier relationship with self-image, which leads to me spending minimal amounts of money on my face. I was, and still am, a little traumatised by the realisation of how much money I spent trying to fix my skin. I was recommended micro-needling for the scarring (you don’t come out of three years of acne unscathed) and even though I trust the person who recommended it, I chose not to do it for that reason. My skin’s natural ability to repair itself (something else I learnt about) is taking care of the scarring slowly but surely, and in the meantime, the scars are a happy reminder of what is no longer there. The time I used to dedicate watching tutorials and researching products and treatments now goes to better things. Online, the only person whose skincare recommendations I trust is
(her IG, TikTok, and Substack). She is a licensed aesthetician and the co-founder of skincare brand Dieux. Regular readers, you know how I always say you should expect more from brands you buy from? Charlotte is the only founder I know whose brand’s marketing emails say ‘don’t buy this unless you need to’. As a former founder and advocate for mindful consumption, I have so much respect for Charlotte, the integrity with which she leads her business, and her education-first approach. I also recommend everyone reading this subscribe to the sobering reality check that is journalist’s Substack. She leads a fierce inquiry into the beauty industry, demolishes the outdated ideals we have been conditioned to cling to, and calls out brands for leaning on and perpetuating women’s insecurities. She also teaches us that all this stuff we buy products for; cleansing, exfoliating, hydrating, producing collagen, etc., our skin does naturally.It hasn’t eluded me that I haven’t quite escaped the consumer cycle as I am now buying the ‘skin barrier repair’ products. Eighteen months ago, we’d never heard those words, but this is the trend brands are now capitalising on after years of pushing acids and actives that led to us needing those barrier repair products in the first place.
2023 is also the year I finally looked into the true meaning of ‘tested on animals’. It is infinitely darker than the picture I had painted in my head. I am grateful for creators like Colby Taylor (her IG/TikTok) and Poppy, her adorable rescue beagle (a breed used by skincare and beauty labs for their small size, docile and gentle demeanor that makes them easier to experiment on), for waking me up. If you do one thing on the back of reading this newsletter, when you finish your current beauty and skincare products, please consider replacing them with cruelty-free alternatives. You can check which brands are and aren’t cruelty-free here.