018. Finding Your Personal Style: Part 1

The Five-Step Process That Helped Me Find Mine.

Whether it’s standing in front of a wardrobe full of clothes with the feeling of having nothing to wear, or constantly buying new things that don’t really satisfy us, I am convinced that the answer to almost all the woes we have with getting dressed can be solved by finding our personal style. And from talking to you about style on the internet for the past two years, I gather it is a big conundrum for the majority of us. I include myself in this, as some areas of my wardrobe are very much still a work-in-progress. After all, much of the fashion content we consume is people showing us how they dress, and we emulate.

So how does one find their personal style? This is a very broad topic that truly fascinates me, and seemingly you, and deserves a thorough exposé. I am making this Finding Your Personal Style series a four-parter. Or possibly longer. In this first part, I walk you the process that works for me. In Part 2, I will go in-depth into the final step: how to mindfully build the wardrobe that corresponds to your style. In the third part, I will share the best things I have ever learnt or done for my style. The final part will be a straightforward Q&A addressing the top questions I have received over the past two years, from ‘Where do I start if I am starting from scratch?’, and ‘How does this work for me post-pregnancy or if my weight fluctuates?’, to ‘What do I do if I like more than one style?’. I have opened the comment section of today’s post to all subscribers for you to leave any questions you need answered in that fourth part.

The first time you follow the process I describe below will bring you a lot of clarity. But for best results, see it as an ongoing practice, rather than something you do as a one-off. I go through it roughly four times a year to continue developing my style, understanding myself, getting my wardrobe ready for a new season, or even preparing for what to pack for a specific holiday. Before we dive in, I have some good news and some bad news. I’ll start with the bad: You cannot find your personal style and build a whole wardrobe that is true to it overnight. Don’t me wrong, my content archive (on here and on IG) is filled with tips you can use to feel better about you dress from Day 1. But when it comes to getting to a wardrobe that satisfies you completely, you can either do it wrong and find yourself broke and needing to start from scratch in three months. Or you can do it right, and that takes (a very long) time. The good news is that having a grasp on your personal style means a wardrobe that fills you with excitement rather than dread, no longer being in a constant state of wanting or holding out for the outfit that will make you feel like a better version of yourself, and feeling completely in sync with what you wear and like your clothes are the perfect expression of you who are.

And this is how you can reach this elusive osmosis.

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Step 0: Understand the Difference between Style and Fashion

Before we get practical, anyone who embarks on a personal style development journey should understand this important distinction. In Step 1 below, I will ask you to reflect on people whose style inspires you. However, the vast majority of us are misled, as most of what we are exposed to, as it relates to how other people dress, has to do with fashion, not style. Everyone involved in trying to sell you new clothes every waking second of your day is intent on blurring these differences out for you.

Let’s use an example. Bella Hadid was helmed the greatest fashion icon of this era. It’s not far-fetched to expect some of you would want someone like her on your moodboard. Her chameleon-like ability to morph into the micro-trends represented on the runway each season makes her the very best in the industry and completely deserving of that title. However, her job demands that she promotes different brands and, as a result, her public-facing wardrobe changes constantly. This is true of anyone whose main revenue stream is tied to the clothes they wear, such as high-profile models, some influencers (not all), and other public figures who are contracted to be the face of fashion brands.

The many faces of Bella Hadid’s style. From left to right: 2015 Bohemian Chick, 2016 Sporty Spice, 2017 Retro French Lady, 2018 Athleisure, 2019 Oversized Tailoring, 2020 Preppy Grunge, 2022 Y2K.

While every high-profile celebrity gets some of their clothes for free, including Zoë Kravitz, whom I used as a counter example below, some have more agency over what they wear in the public eye than others.

Zoë Kravitz’s street style between 2015 and 2023 is looking incredibly consistent. It looks like she was wearing her favourite Zipped Boot style before The Row even invented it.

Why does it matter in this context? Firstly, when you go through the process of finding your personal style, it will much more fruitful to reference people whose style isn’t tied to micro-trends. A quick Google search of their street style through the years will be telling. Secondly, looking like a different version of yourself every time you step out the door and sporting a brand-new wardrobe every three months is not sustainable for anyone. Not even Bella, who gets it gifted. And yet, modern society expects women to try. Shamed for repeating the same outfit, conditioned to quantify our worth based on the newness of our clothes, and pushed to consume endlessly. They weren’t messing when they coined the term ‘Fashion Victim’. Thirdly, finding your personal style will require you to break up with the fashion cycle. To be clear, I am not equating fashion with evil and style with good. I always have adored fashion and still do, more so now that I know how to shop trends in a way that serves me rather than putting me into debt and swallowing my self-esteem. How to get there and how to shop the right trends for your style will be the focus of Part 2.

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Step 1: Browse and Save

This first step consists of collecting images of outfits you like in a moodboard. I recommend using Pinterest, as I find it the easiest way to collect images, but you can also save images on Instagram, save screenshots on your phone’s camera roll, or use any other moodboard app. To find images, you have a few options:

• Search for the names of people whose style you feel drawn to. Type ‘their name street style’, ‘their name outfit’, or ‘their name aesthetic’ on Pinterest or Google (best if they are actors, models, etc.).

• Browse these people’s social media accounts and save images of the looks you like (best if they are influencers).

• My personal favourite: browse street style imagery. I like Style Du Monde on Pinterest. You can also search Pinterest or Google with keywords such as ‘New York Fashion Week street style 2023’, ‘Copenhagen street style 2023’, or check out Vogue or other online publications’ street style round ups.

• If you already have an idea of the aesthetic(s) you might fall into, search for images that correspond to it. For example, ‘romantic street style’, ‘athleisure street style’, ‘90s street style’, etc.

• Other search terms you can look up include season-specific words, e.g., ‘summer street style’, or particular pieces you like to wear, e.g., ‘dress street style’.

Why do I recommend searching for ‘street style’ each time? It will yield image results that are less edited and more wearable. Without it, you will be served more red carpet looks or editorial shoots.

Allocate some time to complete this step. I recommend dedicating a couple of hours to it one evening, but you can also do ten minutes during your daily commute over a couple of weeks. I would suggest saving around a hundred images. At this stage, don’t overthink; just save outfits that look nice to you. You also don’t need to separate them by season or occasion just yet.

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Step 2: Wait, Wait, and Wait Some More

Once you are happy with the number of images you’ve collected, step away from them for some time. I suggest waiting for around four weeks before revisiting them. Waiting longer will only be more beneficial. You can keep browsing during these four weeks, of course, but if you save images, keep them in a separate folder.

During these four weeks, how you view these images will be stripped of any external factors that may have influenced you when you picked them out. At this moment in time, you may be unconsciously attracted to Barbie pink, or on the contrary, nauseated by it. You might be finding these mesh ballet flats that look like condoms for your feet absolutely irresistible. Or you might think that if you don’t wear a pair of Sambas or a rose-embellished top, what’s the point of even getting dressed at all? Human nature favours what’s new to begin with, but we also get bombarded with millions of fashion images each day that condition what we find attractive at any given moment.

My favourite mantra is, ‘if last month’s me doesn’t make this month’s me cringe, I’m not growing’.

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Step 3: Refine and Observe

After waiting for four weeks, schedule another evening session to review the moodboard. When you do, you will notice that some of the images don’t appeal to you anymore, or not as much as they did at the time. How much your taste evolves in the space of four weeks will vary from person to person. I change my mind and get bored easily (Gemini sun, Sagittarius moon. Go figure), so after four weeks, I will axe 70% of any wishlist or moodboard. Either remove the images you no longer like from the moodboard, or create a new one with only the images you still like.

Now look for patterns and write them down, either on paper or your Notes app. Make sure it’s easy for you to refer back to. I made a collage with images I pinned to my moodboard a few weeks ago, and I will point out things you should be looking out for.

Designs, elements, colors, or shapes you already like to wear. For me, that would be:

• At least a small pop of bright color in every outfit.

• Plenty of contrast with different textures, fabrics, colors, or aesthetics within the same outfit.

• Unique looking or structurally interesting handbags.

• More separates than dresses.

• Outfits that mix either a statement piece with a basic piece, or a casual piece with a more sophisticated one.

• Flat shoes or a very small heel for comfort. No trainers.

Designs, elements, colors, or shapes that surprise you. How much surprises you will depend on how much you already know about your likes and dislikes. This is an important step as you will discover things you may not have considered or realised before.

• I am surprised that overall the outfits are quite feminine. I would have expected more androgynous looks or more contrast of feminine/masculine design elements.

Designs, elements, colors, or shapes you already know you don’t enjoy wearing. Either because they’re not in your color palette, they make you feel uncomfortable, or don’t flatter your body type. I will talk more about these things in Part 3. The mistake I kept making in my twenties was to buy pieces I already knew I would not wear, such as halter neck, backless, and strapless tops, even though I don’t like going bra-less. Write down a list of your ‘no-gos’, sort of like an ‘ick’ list but for your clothes. I have to many to list them here, but having this list on my phone has saved me thousands of dollars over the years. With this in mind, which looks on your moodboard does this rule out? For me, that would be:

• Top row middle image: too oversized and loose fitting for me to feel confident in. I need more balance in proportions either by showing more skin or wearing a slim fitted top with wide fitted bottoms or vice versa.

• Fourth image on the top row: too casual and also too oversized. I would use this as inspiration but wear a short-sleeved shirt and/or less baggy jeans.

• Last image bottom row: on the contrary, this is too feminine. I would wear a skirt skirt like this with a more casual top. I also would not wear this top because I dislike not wearing a bra.

Write down some words that characterise your final selection. I often talk about popular aesthetic categories (sporty, romantic, minimalist, etc.) but finding your personal style doesn’t mean you have to fit yourself in a box. I don’t fit squarely in one of them, but I know I like colors, fitted shapes, etc. and that is just as good a definition of personal style as any.

• Words that describe it: colorful, fitted, feminine, effortless sophistication, eclectic, contrast, structure, texture, skirts, modern.

• Words that don’t: minimalist, neutrals, sporty, tomboy, oversized.

Identify potential outfit formulas. This will also be more or less apparent depending on where you are in your style journey.

• As nearly half of the outfits on my moodboard consist of a white tank top with a statement skirt, this suggests that it is a good outfit formula for me.

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Step 4: Assess and Leverage Your Current Wardrobe

This is where I have to disappoint you if you are at your wit’s end with your current wardrobe and read until now with bated breath thinking I would give you a free pass to dump the contents of your closet at the nearest charity shop and send you off on a shopping spree. If someone ever tells you to, run the other way. Believe me when I say, I have been there so many times and understand your frustration, but you’re going to have to trust me on this one. Part 2 will be all about mindfully growing your wardrobe. But it won’t involve buying a whole new wardrobe in one go, as it would be unsustainable and expensive. And even if you don’t care about either of these things, it’s the best way to get it wrong. If you want to reap the benefit on the long run, you will need to continue wearing a lot of your existing clothes for some time, rediscover pieces you no longer use by styling them in new ways (a lot of my content is tailored to helping you do this, for example), and responsibly phase out what doesn’t suit your style over time. This is easier said than done, but try embracing it. The reason why our wardrobes are so out of sync with our desires, and incidentally why fashion is the second most polluting industry in the world, is because we are accustomed to cheap and fast.

Take your final moodboard and your notes, and evaluate your current wardrobe. You can do this in the same evening as Step 3 or in a separate session.

• Standing in front of your wardrobe, pull out items that correspond to your desired list of words. Do it even if they are pieces you thought you no longer liked; this perspective will help you see them with fresh eyes. Make sure you physically separate them from the rest of your closet, and wear them over the next few weeks. Use my content archive to style them in ways you have not worn them before. This newsletter and this one will be particularly helpful.

• Spend time trying to replicate the outfit formulas you have spotted using your existing clothes. I picked out my favourite outfit from the moodboard above. I don’t need to know where she bought that exact bag or shoes; I can just replicate it by deconstructing it. Switch your mindset from ‘I need this exact tank top, skirt, bag and shoes to recreate the outfit’ to ‘I need a cotton top or bottom in a neutral color, a colorful and/or textured statement top or bottom to contrast it, and two statement accessories’. I have laid it out below. The first outfit recreates the exact formula with similar but non-exact pieces; the second one inverts the top and bottom. For the third one, I imagined I didn’t have a tank top a skirt, so looked for similar pieces. And for the fourth one, I replaced a statement accessory I did not have (bag) with another one I did have (sunglasses). Our default mindset is to ask ‘Where did you buy that'?’ but what makes an outfit great is the overall styling, not the sum of its parts.

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Step 5: Build Your Ideal Wardrobe

In Part 2, I will be diving into how to grow your wardrobe for the new style you have identified. This will include discussions about how many clothes you need, where to start when adding new pieces, how to spot the trends that are right for you, and more.

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Thank you for reading Every Body Gets Dressed! I am so grateful you’re here. If you have any thoughts, feedback, or questions, do not hesitate to leave a comment.

I hope you have fun getting dressed this week and I will speak to you here next Sunday.

Lots of love, L x