033. Personal Style in Motherhood: 'Getting Dressed Makes Me A Better Mom'.
A Guest Column by Christina Tumminello.
A few weeks ago, I published the first part of a newsletter series called ‘Personal Style and The Different Stages Of Life’, and many of you wrote to say it resonated and you wanted me to write more on this subject. One of the main topics I addressed, and indeed one of the life events that most affect our relationship with self-image and our wardrobe, is motherhood. Both during pregnancy and post-partum, some women find that as their lives dramatically change and their priorities get recentered around their growing family, so does their relationship with style. I wanted to delve into this fascinating topic but didn’t feel completely qualified to, seeing as I am not a mother myself.
Readers of Every Body Gets Dressed, meet my wonderful fellow Substacker
. I discovered Christina’s Substack, when she kindly added Every Body Gets Dressed to the list of Substacks she recommends to her own readers. I fell in love with her writing, which is at times truly personal and vulnerable, and her brilliant outfit formula edits. Even though I am not a mother, I particularly enjoyed reading her Getting Dressed When You’re Growing A Human series, and her features Transitions Are Hard and I’m A Better Mom When I Like My Outfit, where she relates how she leaned on her personal style to get her through times of change like going back to work. In today’s newsletter, she shares her personal experience with style in motherhood and her go-to outfit formulas.Whether you are pregnant, planning to be, a mother, or a childfree chick like me, I cannot recommend enough that you subscribe to Christina’s Substack. You can (and should) also follow her on Instagram. Enjoy Christina’s wonderful writing, and I will speak to you next Sunday.
PS: If you are a Substack writer and would like to contribute to this Personal Style and The Different Stages Of Life series, or if have a story to tell the readers of Every Body Gets Dressed, don’t hesitate to DM or email me; I’d love to have more guest writers write for the newsletter (and vice versa!).
For as long as I can remember, I have loved getting dressed. I take great care in the outfits I create, and I lean into personal style as a way to express who I am, how I am feeling (and maybe even how I want to feel) and how I want to be seen.
You know that full-body “YES” reaction you get when you wear something you love? That is infectious. When you feel great about what you’re wearing, you can turn your day around, or steer it in a certain direction from the start. You can focus better, do your job better, or maybe just trick yourself into feeling better when you’re having an ick day. For me, putting on a great outfit and feeling my best is no different from how I feel better when I move my body every day, or eat foods that give me energy. These are all part of how I take care of myself and feel good, all of which contribute to how I show up in all areas of my life.
I think everyone should wear clothes that they love and that make them feel great. What I love about style is that that looks a little bit different for every one of us. I am continually figuring out what that means for me - it’s an ongoing refinement and curation of who I am and how I want to express myself to the world. The constant is that I feel my best when I am wearing something that I love, that fits, feels great, and feels authentic to me.
In the past five years, I’ve had three kids.
It is hard to think of a dimension of my life that has not been impacted by motherhood. A mom is simultaneously everything that I am, and also just a part of who I am. That feels a little weird to put down on paper. I love my kids with my entire being. I can hardly carry on a conversation with anyone without gushing about them. I’m sure it’s very annoying. And at the same time, I crave and cherish moments when I can feel like my individual self, when I can do things and think about things that have nothing to do with my kids or the responsibilities of parenthood. When I feel my best, I’m a better everything, including a better mom.
You might think it sounds silly, but getting dressed, picking out an outfit, getting ready, taking care of my clothes and wearing pieces that I have carefully selected because they feel like me - that is one way that I stay connected to myself, to Christina, through all the other (beautiful!) chaos that is the reality of life with three small children.
What is always surprising to me, is how surprised people are when I show up the way that I do in the world. I am not very fancy, but I do put thought and care into the outfits that I wear, and if I have my baby with me, or someone finds out that I have three small kids, they will exclaim, “but you look sonice!” As if the expectation that because I’m a mother of small children I should look…bad? That I should have no time to take care of myself when I have a baby / toddler / child / am pregnant / or postpartum.
Don’t get me wrong, the compliment is welcome - I appreciate it, and I make it a habit to tell others that they look great, or notice a particularly eye-catching outfit. But the way the comment is delivered has an underlying implication that people expect me to look like I have no time to take care of myself when I have a baby / toddler / child / whatever.
Getting dressed when you are pregnant, and postpartum, and even once you are through the postpartum phase and into toddlerhood, can be really hard. Any time your body changes in a way you cannot control, it is hard to get dressed. Any time your daily routine changes (as it does so frequently with young children), it is hard to get dressed.
And yet I have found that it is during transitions – literal and figurative ones – and during times when things feel out of control - that getting dressed and feeling good about what I am wearing is more important than ever.
After I had my son (in 2018), I remember coming home from the hospital and being shocked that my pre-pregnancy clothes did not fit. Yes, I knew that my body wasn’t going to return to normal immediately, but I thought that at least my leggings, my elastic waist pants, and my oversized dresses would fit. I was dismayed when my maternity clothes that I had taken such joy in collecting and wearing and enjoying compliments of, “oh my god, you look so cute!” looked and felt weird. I would google “cute outfits you can nurse in” and just get served maternity clothes or dresses with weird flaps and zippers that you could lift up or unzip to nurse in.
When he was six weeks old we went on vacation with my family and one evening my husband and I went out, just the two of us. I wore a new sweater that fit my body at that moment in time. I (FINALLY!) bought a pair of jeans that fit. I put on lipstick and my favorite pair of earrings. I can remember how good it felt. I remember thinking, oh, okay, there I am. We’re going to be okay.
In my most recent pregnancy, I was sick nearly every single day. I would have loved nothing more than to stay in bed all day long. Unfortunately, I am an adult, with a job, and other responsibilities, and I had to get up and go about my life every day. One teensy, tiny, small thing that helped was getting dressed and ready. Fake it till you make it. I won’t lie and say that I did it every day, but on the days that I did, it made a difference!
When I went back to work a few weeks ago, I didn’t feel ready.
I felt really, really sad about not being able to spend my whole day with my baby. And so, I picked out the outfits I would wear each day of my first week back to work. I was excited to wear each of them. And I got up every morning, and got ready for work in an easy, pre-selected outfit that made me feel incrementally better.
Clothes do matter! I would challenge anyone to try to put on something that makes you feel *great* - what that is different for every person - and it doesn’t have to be fancy. I bet that when you wear something that you feel great about, that you feel like yourself in, that makes you feel confident and comfortable in your own skin, that gives you that full body yes - you will agree - it’s a GREAT feeling.
And it is hard to figure out what to wear that will make you feel great. Partially because it takes some personal reflection which I find to both be hard to do in general and hard to find/make the time to do. And because we are so inundated with trends and products and pressure to buy new things that are literally a single click away. We have purchase pressure overload!
The reality is, that whether you are postpartum or not, if you have kids or not, the easiest way to get dressed, and feel great is to have a few uniforms or outfit formulas that you love, and can create and recreate with pieces in your closet. Most people with a great sense of style are following their own uniform(s). And we admire and lust after their style and taste! It doesn’t mean your outfits are boring. It doesn’t mean you wear the exact same thing everyday (we’re not talking Steve Jobs uniform here). It doesn’t mean you only have X number of pieces in your closet, or only buy certain colors (I actually learned from Liza that many of us associate a capsule wardrobe with a minimalist style, but a capsule approach doesn’t necessarily have to be that).
The best advice that I have to offer is that you don’t need that many things to get dressed and feel great. You do need to know what you love, what you feel great in, and what you are going to wear (hopefully you have read Liza’s series about defining your personal style if you are here, but if not, that’s where you should start!) And, you need a little inspiration.
Getting dressed is self-care. It doesn’t have to be fancy. It definitely doesn’t mean you have to buy all new things. If you need some ideas for how to shop your closet, here are a few realistic outfit formulas that I reach for time and time again - they make me feel great, like I can do whatever I need to do on a given day, and they don’t require a ton of thought. You can probably recreate them with pieces you already have in your closet!
Look #1: Jeans + White Tee + Oversized Denim Jacket + Loafers + Tote
This is probably one of my most common outfits. I would happily wear this every weekend. What I love is that if it’s warm, you can wear a t-shirt or tank, as it gets cooler, you swap that out for a long-sleeve shirt, in the winter, I’ll wear a turtleneck or even a light sweater. You can wear a lighter jean with a darker denim shirt, or you can wear a more similar wash. You could wear a black jean with a denim shirt. If you don’t have a denim shirt/jacket, you could wear any oversized shirt as the layering piece. If this feels too casual for you, swap in a blazer! I am in a phase of life where I am very focused on function when it comes to bags, because I am almost always toting around a lot of stuff (whether for my kids, or for myself!), so a big tote bag is always coming along with me (most commonly my trusty LLBean tote!)
Sunglasses / Tee / Jeans / Denim Shirt / Loafers / Tote Bag
Look #2: Lady Cardigan + Jeans + Ballet Flat + Wool Coat
This is something that I can wear into my office (most of the time, at least), to work from home, to hang with my kids, and to go out for dinner in. I love a structured cardigan like this because it has such a polished, preppy feel when you button it all the way up, but you can also wear it completely open, or even with one or two buttons done for a more casual look. I love a ballet flat because it adds a feminine touch to my outfits, but I would also wear this outfit with sneakers or clogs, and I probably will wear it with winter boots very soon!
Coat / Cardigan / Jeans / Earrings / Bag / Ballet Flats
Look #3: Maxi Skirt + Sweater + Tall boot
I will be wearing this on repeat to everything on our calendar this holiday season - to see the Nutcracker, to holiday parties, to dinners out, to my office holiday celebration, and on Christmas Eve. I love dresses, but it can be very hard to find a dress that I will actually enjoy wearing while I’m with my kids, and not just fuss with the whole time. I’m also nursing, and nursing in a dress can be a logistical challenge. So, I have come to discover that I love slip skirts! I love them with a tee shirt, I love them with a button-down, and, especially in the winter, I love them with a sweater tucked in and boots. This is a slightly dressier outfit, but I can still sit on the ground with kids. If you don’t have a slip skirt, try any midi or maxi length skirt. Or, a slip dress with a sweater over it.
Earrings / Sweater / Slip Skirt / Belt / Boots
Look #4: Knit Pant + Button Down + Cardigan (over shoulders) + Sneaker
This is a more casual look - I could wear this on days when I work from home, I could wear it to run errands, and I could wear it to chauffeur my children to their weekend activities. When I want to wear pjs or sweatpants, I reach for a knit pant. It is just as comfortable, but feels a teensy bit elevated! I like to dress up the more lounge-y pant with a button down, but you could wear a tee shirt or long-sleeve shirt. If the weather is extra cold, take the cardigan off your shoulders and wear it. Add a jacket if you need to. Sneakers are the best for a long day spent on your feet, but I would also wear this with loafers or a ballet flat.
Cardigan / Sneakers / White Button Down / Knit Pant / Sunglasses / Hat